A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first;

So on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.

She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated."What does it look like?" she finally asked.The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it.

"The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. "Here it is," she said.The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A Chinese man is making love to his wife. He whispers in her ear,"Baby, I wanna' 69!"She gives him a strange look and replies, "You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend."Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars.""What does that tell you?"Watson pondered for a minute."Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by theMaitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait."Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "
A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. "How do you plead?" asked the judge."Guilty or not guilty.""Not guilty," replied the man."On what grounds?" queried the judge."I didn't think she was dead....I thought she was an American."
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
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